Anxiety Update- December 2015

December has come round so fast and although I'm quite excited for christmas, it kinda has me on edge already with everything else going on.I decided to start early on this post and update it weekly on what's been going on and helping you guys too.This week hasn't been going well at all, mainly yesterday in which I did record a live video for you, but the unfortunate of me wearing my wrap playsuit PJ's, my boobs kept stealing the show, so it wouldn't of come across serious at all (Stupid ass boobs!).
I'm sure we can all relate in someway of having huge "problems" with the DWP which never (and I mean never) seems to end, and in result makes you more ill!.Nearly every single time I have spoken to someone or sent off the evidence that they need to be able to "process" it, their is always an issue and its either "not enough" or "not right".As a result of this, I roughly speak to at least 5-6 different people each time I contact them, either because that person has no clue, no explanation or I've been given the wrong information, and it gets so frustrating!

So at the time of writing this (December 4th), I've been in contact with the dwp regarding my PIP (Personal Independence Payment).The last time I applied for this was back in May 2015, where my anxiety was very bad yet wasn't eligible for it, so was referred to ESA instead.Its been nearly a year and a half, and still no assessment has been made by them, losing out on money as its not enough, so I was recommended to go for PIP as my condition has worsened also.I contacted the department that deals with medical assessments after speaking with a lovely adviser (that;s a first), to find out if a decision has been made yet.Turns out,yes I've been accepted at this stage to have an assessment, however.....I have to go into town for it."I'm sorry what?How can I go in for an assessment if I've got agrophobia" and even the adviser was as confused on why they made this decision.He could see on his screen that it did show this but no any other details were added, so my question was "what the hell happened to all that other information that I provided in that booklet" to which is still a mystery as of why it still isn't enough.Its not just this I suffer from, its a number of things caused by 1.The condition itself and 2.The neglect of healthcare which I'll explain more into in the next paragraph as something else has happened while writing this post.In the end I spoke to a lovely lady, who told me to get either a letter from my GP or Psychiatrist stating my condition in more detail or that I need a home visit.

This next part is ridiculous and I honestly thought I was going to get somewhere.As mentioned in my November post. this monday I'm seeing my new psychiatrist after waiting nearly 3months to see someone and on the hope of getting better.Earlier today she rang me back after a query about the dwp for her to then tell me she has to cancel our appointment on monday as she's not in.
This photo sums up exactly my face for a few seconds on what to say and was taken from that video I mentioned at the beginning.I ended up just saying "ahh ok", and was told she would call me on Tuesday to re-schedule.A few minutes after that call, I started to feel upset and angry, because I've been waiting months to get this help and to be told at last minute its cancelled, I felt like proper crap and I still do.Again I feel let down my the healthcare and although I do not have any thoughts of wanting to end my life or hurting myself in anyway, I can understand why people do and its so horrible.Once I find out anything else of whats going on,I'll let you know :)

UPDATE 30/12/15
Its been 26days since the last entry, and so much has changed in such a short period of time.A week after writing the entry above, I met my psychiatrist for the first time.This involved her accessing me and to find out more about me to determine the type of help that I needed.This is when the reality of me getting help started to kick in, and for the next 7days until our next meeting, I was able to get myself outside of the house.

The second meeting was arranged to go for a walk to get outside the house, however when we met, she wanted to take me to the grounds which is at the very top of town (about 20-25minute walk) but I was not ready to do this as this was out of view of my house and I wasn't ready.We sat in the car for a few minutes discussing my history with modelling and the severe bullying I went through at school, when she suggested she go for a small drive and despite of how anxious I was feeling, I agreed.This went very well, and was actually quite far from my house and again we had a discussion about how I was feeling and what I wanted to achieve at the end of my therapy.Since then, I've been working so very hard to get better and things are going so well for me.I admit I still get those days where I feel like I can't be bothered and get the occasional negative thought, but then I remember how far I've come and it really does help.

I'm on the journey of now getting better and I really cannot wait for 2016.I hope this post brings some positive view and some insight of what we go through and although it is a tough journey, there will be a positive outcome at the end of it, and I seriously cannot wait to get out of the woods!

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